My Photo
Name:Harrison
Location:United States

The Original Lovable Little Fuzzball
Here's the straight stuff.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I like this guy

I really do. He's got some great stuff on his blog. Like this entry about importing French leeches. I'm not too sure what leeches are, but if the French are sending them over here they must be pretty crappy.

[Leeches are freshwater, blood sucking, parasitical worms that some people think have beneficial medical uses--AHM]

[Bloodsucking parasites? Like fleas!! Shit! I knew the French hated us, but isn't that going a bit too far?--H]

Okay--forget leeches. He also had a great post about the new anti-barbequing building code in Washington state. Anti-barbequing? Geeze am I glad AHM decided not to move to Washington! A summer with no rib bones is like a day without sunshine. Oh yeah--Washington has bunches of those, so I guess they might not notice.

Anyway, like I said before, I like this guy--except for one little problem. His mascot. He's got a fe-lying for a mascot.


"Allan over at the Barking MoonBat Early Warning System suggests that I need a mascot and that Beamer my cat would make a great mascot. I agree with him, and asked Beamer if he would consider it. Of course he said yes,…"

Well, of course he would. Those fe-lyings are just worming their way into all parts of the blogsphere. [Like leeches, right?--AHM] Arrggghhhh! I'll bet that Glenn Reynolds person has a cat too. I mean there must be some reason people call him the "puppy blender."

Still--Mr. Minority has too many good posts to ignore. As long as Beamer keeps his distance…


Read the rest!

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Busted

Research Shows Dogs Understand Language

This is something new and different? The only reason we're called "dumb animals" is because we can't speak English very well. And where are the pc police on that insult I'd like to know. I'm not too sure I like the idea our cover's been blown all over the news, though.


"As many a dog owner will attest, our furry friends are listening. Now, for the doubters, there is scientific proof they understand much of what they hear."

We've been understanding humans for centuries, which is more than I can say about humans understanding us. Look how hard it was for Lassie to convince humans Timmy had fallen in the well for the umpteenth time. You'd expect they would have figured it out after the first 387 times, but nooooo.

To be honest, most times humans aren't saying anything worth crap, so why make the effort to answer? (Except for the Jack Russells. They never shut up. Always runnin' their yaps! And it's always "Look at me, me me. I'm great. I’m cute. Gimme a treat. I can bounce higher than a ball. Where's the ball. Throw the ball. See me eat the ball.")

Let's get real, here. How many answers are there for "Are you my good doggie?" "Yes," "no," and "if you think I’m telling you about the mess in the corner, you're nuts."

"German researchers have found a border collie named Rico who understands more than 200 words and can learn new ones as quickly as many children."

Border Collie, eh? Figures. They're such suck ups. In obedience class they were always the ones with their paws in the air saying "Pick me, pick me…" Always wanting constant approval--pathetic. I am a champion. I know I am a champion. I don't need someone always telling me I'm a champion since it's obvious I am a champion. Got it?

"Patti Strand, an American Kennel Club board member, called the report "good news for those of us who talk to our dogs."

"Like parents of toddlers, we learned long ago the importance of spelling key words like bath, pill or vet when speaking in front of our dogs," Strand said."

Yeah, AHM used to do that until she figured out we could spell too. Damn kids let the cat out of the bag just before a walk. (So far they haven't figured out we can tell time, though. Okay, AHM has a suspicion--kids again.)

"Thanks to the researchers who've proven that people who talk to their dogs are cutting-edge communicators, not just a bunch of eccentrics."…

I'm not too sure about that "cutting-edge" business. Most humans never get beyond "cute doggie" or "get the ball." (And what's with that? Hell, you threw the damn thing--you get it!) It's not like we have political debates. Oh, AHM occasionally lets us know who's who but it's not like we can vote or anything. We should, of course. We could nose out the behind-the-scenes shit on any candidate. Mostly we just listen.

"…Paul Bloom of Yale University urges caution. "Children can understand words used in a range of contexts. Rico's understanding is manifested in his fetching behavior," Bloom writes in a commentary, also in Science.

"Bloom calls for further experiments to answer several questions: Can Rico learn a word for something other than a small object to be fetched? Can he display knowledge of a word in some way other than fetching? Can he follow an instruction not to fetch something?"

Rico's got a good thing going. Why bother with the hard stuff when all you have to do is prance around with your toys?

Of course we can do more than fetch--if the right person asks, that is. We don't do things for just anyone, ya' know.

Okay, here's an example. My second-oldest son got sick and started losing his eyesight. Still could do a lot of stuff, except he had some trouble when AHM would take us out to the fields to run. So AHM would pick out one of the other kids and tell them "So-and-so, go take care of your brother." Pissed them off no end to be stuck with the slow kid and they'd mutter all sorts of nasty things. Still, AHM never had to say it more than twice before they went. (And I gotta' admit I was proud of them for stickin' together that way.)

So, yeah--we can definitely follow instructions for something other than fetching. But that's what humans seem to like best, so we just go with the flow. Now where's my liver treat?


Read the rest!

Friday, June 04, 2004

The Straight Stuff

We're totally straight up in the canine universe. (And we guys can keep it up for 45 minutes!) There's us and there's everyone who's not us. Cats are not us. As Jonah Goldberg points out, "…they will eat their own owners if they get hungry enough, after all." They'll live under your roof, eat your food, demand your attention, then claw your butt to ribbons as soon as they get the chance. Not buying that? Then check out this picture. (Warning: this link is not office friendly!)

Canines are small-d democrats. Fe-lyings are anarchists. We choose our pack leaders--our Alphas, human or dog--and give quality service in return. Fe-lyings are the Jessica Simpsons of the animal world, getting by on their cuteness; playing the "dumb as a post" game while using their cuddly, fuzzy bodies for gain--the ultimate welfare pimps who take, take, take without giving. (Admit it--who ever heard of a Guard Cat?)

We know shit when we smell it. (Yeah, I know some of our brain-impaired brethren eat it and roll in it. Can't explain it and won't try. I raised my pups better than that!) Canines know right up front which human is worth listening to and it's not always the ones giving us treats and ear-scratches. We want respect. We want dignity. We want to be acknowledged as the intelligent, discriminating beings that we are. Refuse us and we'll whizz on your shoes.

Political correctness is not in our vocabulary. You smell bad? Cover your balls, 'cause we're comin' for you.


Read the rest!